Mid-Winter Blahs

The winter is getting to me. I know. Its to be expected. Day after day of gray and white. I longing think of my snug bulbs under the snow and am excited with the emergence of their little heads. Soon. I hope.

So, I am snuggled into my house but good come this time of year. Getting all the clothes on me and Norah to get out the door is less then exciting to me. The other day I even let her just stay in her pajamas all day. I mean, why not?

Anyways....I made this fab mashed potato bake that Hungry Jack instant potatoes has. I think its called Party Mashed Potatoes, and let me say...we all love them. Rich and creamy "dolled- up" spuds that are just so good and comforting. Perfect winter food. The recipe also makes a TON so there are loads left over. Check it out.

Sigh....spring...where are you? I know its not even February yet...but how about a bit of a tease? A midwinter warm up with some extra toasty sun would be fine.

True Love

Me and my baby Norah.

Heartache

This weekend Hayli moved to her dads. Cuz we grounded her. Cuz he provided a mini-van for her to drive. Cuz she didnt want to apologize. The child (she is 16) who just two weeks ago wouldnt tell her dad and his horridly evil wife that she broke up with her boyfriend, cuz she "hated them and they would make fun of her" ditched us for them. Totally. The girl who hasnt spent a weekend with her father in 2 yrs. The father that calls her fat. The step mother that calls her fat. The "others" in that fake-ass Christian house that make fun of her and laugh at her and secretly loathe her....take her in. Give her a "refuge" from her very own momma...cuz she was grounded for a week.

Wtf?

What is all that? As a good "Christian" father should he not have told her to go home and accept her punishment and suck it up? Should he have guided her to do what is right? yes of course. But he never does. He never has. Cuz even after TWELVE....12...TWELVE years of being divorced...him and his wife....of all people...still have a hard on for me. Still want to see me destitute, still want me groveling, and penniless.

These two people who go to church 3 times a week and judge EVERYONE. As if they are God. The two people who have not contributed a dime to the childrens support for 6 years (and three yrs for the boys)...yet can sit and bitch about me and my husband. These people who are tares amongst the wheat. Wolves in sheeps clothing. This is the man who can not hug his children or praise them or tell them he is proud of them. THe man who loves them CONDITIONALLY.

I hate them. I know God would tell me to let it go...and I try. I pray every night for grace. And God has been merciful and given me a ton of strength. But this is just hurtful. Mean . Vindictive....(for NO reason), Other then they are just mean, fake, horrible people. And i wish them heaps of ill will. I do. I am sorry.

Once...way too long ago to remember exactly....there was a girl who was naive, and innocent and thought that husbands loved their wives and children loved and honored their mothers and everyone lived happily ever after. That was until that young sweet momma woke up. She awoke to hatred and bitterness and a daughter that grew to hate her mother. She awoke to a stark, bleak winter. Yet, she kept on the path, and held her head up and continued. And she still continues.

******************************************************

To go thru a divorce, when you are young with many young ones and no schooling or career was terrifying. So, I went to school...obtained my license as a Registered Nurse and kept breathing. I kept fighting and didnt stop. I never stopped. And yet God was there. He loved and loves me even though church-people didnt/dont. All those judgemental people pointing fingers and staring at me like I had ten heads. Like I was Lucifer himself. And my ex-husband and his wife led the pack of hatred towards me, but I keep on. I kept on. All the while the ex-husb sits in his church and taps away on his computer...never listening. Starving at a buffet for Gods sake. And the daughter...she continues her campaign of hate. To the one who gave up her young life, birthed her at a very tender age (16) and stopped living my dreams to fulfill that little daughters.

I guess my point is, dont stop. Dont give in. Stay on course. Keep looking up. And one day...maybe it will all make sense. After all..."justive delayed, is not justice denied".

Sigh. AMEN.

Yup...its def cold here...and I still suck at this!

Yeah, its 7 degrees. According to my dashboard thermometer. Hate it. (as Norah says). Ahhh my baby girl....she is 2 and a bit now. Instead of saying "no" ..she says "note" I finally figured it out too....its No and Dont rolled into one. Pretty ingenious I think. Norah is the sun in my life. She loves to make a little "nest" in my lap..with a pillow and blanket...having "mimi time" and watching her videos...."Laverne and SHirley" (hysterical that she loves this series), Pooh. Mermaid. Her favorite foods of beans and rice or macaroni and cheese are ones I make for her frequently. Cuz I adore her. Utterly. Love. Lots and lots of love.

I will write more. Eventually. I promise. Oh...and to the one person that actually read my blog and commented...rock on! Thank you very much.

Now I am off to hide under a blanket.